October marks the Domestic Violence Awareness month. There would be talks, seminars to raise awareness and insights on the issue and share resources. Despite Domestic Violence being in the spotlight for long and all the work and awareness around it, the issue is very much prevalent and at large.

During the pandemic, a surge in domestic violence was observed. This shows that domestic violence is something that is always lurking around, various factors and conditions contribute to its emergence, and we can never say that we have done enough work on it. In fact, you may realize that lots of myths still surround this area, which makes it harder for victims to seek support and people to lend them the necessary support.

These myths show themselves as statements which are often heard and tossed around like candy in conversations surrounding the domestic violence situations and victims. Hence, today’s article takes into account the various myths that surround domestic violence:

Myth No. 1: “At least, he doesn’t hit you!”

The first myth we need to address is the idea that domestic violence only has to be physical to qualify as violence.

Fact

Domestic violence encompasses much more than that. Violence can be psychological, emotional and financial as well. It can be one of the aforementioned types, or a combination of these factors.
For example, one type of abuser may use finances to control the victim, such as taking away the victim’s financial freedom or making them work and taking away their paycheck, or dictating their spending choices.  Another type of abuse is emotional, i.e., making the partner feel inadequate, unattractive; gaslighting them; ridiculing or dismissing the other person; impinging their boundaries or denying them personal space.

Myth No. 2: “Only women get abused!”

The second myth is that domestic violence is only perpetuated against women only. The idea stems from the mysognistic concept that women are the “weaker sex” in a relationship.

Fact

 In reality, domestic violence is inflicted upon any person who is in a weaker and in a more vulnerable position. Even same sex relationships are not immune from domestic violence. Often enough, children and younger siblings are also found at the receiving end of the violence.

Myth No. 3: “It’s your own fault to fall for such kind of a man!”

The third myth is that a person’s potential for domestic violence is recognizable in the start of a relationship and it is the victim only that has been too blind to these faults.

Fact

In fact, abusive partners appear to be very perfect and very doting, affectionate and caring in the start of a relationship. They are real charmers, keep appearances. Their persona can beguile the people around the victims into believing in their innocence and doubting the authenticity of the victims’ claims.

Myth No. 4: “Why Don’t you just leave him!”

The fourth myth is that it is easy and very convenient for the victim to just get up and leave the abusive relationship. Thus, victims tend to stay in an abusive relationship out of their own weakness.

Facts

Walking out of domestic violence dynamics appears simple only from the outside. In majority of the cases, the physical, emotional and psychological dimensions of the abuses overlap. It is the very real fear of physical violence that prevents victims from leaving.

Also, since domestic abusers isolate victims from their support system, i.e., family and friends; hence, the victims find utterly themselves alone and without physical, moral and emotional support.

Furthermore, whenever children are involved in the dimensions of domestic violence, the decision to leave the abusive relationship becomes very complicated. A person who abuses the spouse might be a good parent to the children. Often enough, victims find themselves emotionally and financially incapable of taking care of and raising children on their own; hence, they tend to stay in the abusive relationship.  

Moreover, domestic violence perpetrators create doubts in their victims’ minds about their own contribution towards instigating the violent streak. The abusers control and manipulate the narrative. The victims are also made to believe by their abusers that there is something inherently wrong with them and not with the perpetrator and his/her actions.  

Myth No. 5: “I just lost control! It won’t happen again!”

The domestic violence initiator has anger and control issues.

Fact

In domestic violence, anger and lack of self-control issues are just the tip of the iceberg. Had that been the case, then this violence would have been unleashed on everyone and not just the spouse. Domestic abuse is well thought out, deliberate and systematic. The abuser chooses the victim(s) to enter into the relationship by capitalizing on their vulnerabilities and weakness. This person chooses the method, means of control and abuse and even time. An abuser and batterer won’t stop abusing.

Conclusion

Domestic Violence and abuse is a very complex social issue with deeper implications. These are only a few myths that I have pointed out. There are shades and nuances to it that differ from relationship to relationship! Although there has been significant awareness surrounding it and resources as well, yet more needs to be done. As society members who have experienced or witnessed domestic violence, we need to understand the multiple dimensions or myths surrounding the domestic violence area to be able to protect ourselves and others from aggression.

At WW4Soicety, we are also raising awareness about the issue in our own way. Stay tuned to our Instagram page for awareness, information and resources specific to Domestic Violence.