Parenthood has never been easy, but now parents are finding themselves
grappling with newer challenges. Research reveals that 2021 has been a
tough year for parents in general and brutal for moms in particular due to
the pandemic’s aftermaths.
Women had to single-highhandedly deal with the global pandemic and
its post health concerns, financial issues, work from home, fix meals,
deal with social distancing loneliness, and assist their children in virtual
learning.
Instead of getting compensated with better pay, healthier, more flexible
and safer work options, working moms have found themselves between
the devil and the deep blue sea.
Source: Pexel
Due to the closure of schools and daycares, many working moms simply
had to quit their jobs to look after their kids or work from home and take
care of children alongside.
In 2021, we are dealing with the afermath of the pandemic in terms of
health and immunity challenges, economic pressures, closures and
delays, and we are still navigating our way through it.
Modern Motherhood – Caught Between the Devil and the Deep Blue
Sea
Today’s moms have had it tougher than ever. Pandemic or no pandemic,
women still considered and treated are the primary childcare givers and
household work bearers. That’s why they end up having a bigger share
in responsibilities.
The worries related to paying the rent, bills, buying groceries, affording
daycare, maintaining the kids’ quality of life, while at the same time
giving them quality time and attention are making moms work harder
than ever inside the house and outside it. The choices for working or
stay at home moms are limited.
Meal preps, doing laundry, cleaning the house, supervising play and
study time, regulating the emotions of your child, interacting with the
clients and meeting deadlines. This is what an average day looks like
and it’s all on us. It’s almost like having another job after the job, with
no pay, break or even acknowledgment.
Source: Unsplash
The demands and expectations from today’s moms are too high, while
the resources are low and the social support system just isn’t there.
Society is pretty rigid in terms of standards and quick to label deviant
moms as ‘bad’ or ‘negligent moms. The feeling of inadequacy, guilt,
insecurity adds to the stress of maternal parenting.
Stress Changes Us as Mothers (And Not for the Better)
You might be a working mom, a work from home mom, a stay at home
mom, a single parent, a married one with an unsupportive partner or a
partner who works long hours.
You are supposed to place the baby, children, family before anything
else. In fact, you are expected to put yourself the last, give your needs
the least important. So, you might be getting it all done or scraping by,
but you are killing yourself in the process.
Stress is something detrimental to your health, personality and your
relationships. Prolonged and untreated stress impacts our mental and
physical health and affects our parenting style, our children’s upbringing
and their well being.
Stress, depression and anxiety make us less participative, attentive,
patient, and tolerant, appreciative towards our children. We are more
likely to be reactive and exercise fear and punishment as modes of
discipline.
Self-care Tips for Stressed Out Moms
While economic recession, crisis and challenges that we are facing are
globally are nowhere near over, there are small self-care measures that
we can exercise as moms on day to day basis to find our inner grace and
peace, to feel wholesome again:
Acknowledge that the Most Important Person is ‘You’
As moms, we do plan our lives around our children singularly and then
we want to be martyrs who want their sacrifices to be glorified. We get
resentful when this doesn’t happen. Do realize that you are the most
important person in the equation of your family. Acknowledge that your
feelings need to be validated, your issues are worth fixing.
Learn to Prioritize Yourself
As parents, we place a lot of importance on the kids’ care and rest.
However, as a mom, your care and rest are as important as that of
everyone else in the family.
The theory of ‘filling your cup first’ resonates with me so well.
It means that you have to fill your cup with ‘self-care’ first before even
attempting to fill the cups of your child or spouse. This means you
should replenish the reserves of your mental, emotional and physical
energy before attempting to take care of your family.
Source: Unsplash
Understand Your Triggers
We react negatively when we are triggered. You have to realize that just
like your toddler, you have your witching hours, you have your triggers.
We are at our absolute worst self when we tired, stressed, depressed,
even hungry and sleepy, and time and attention deprived. The better you
understand triggers, the better you would be able to regulate yourself
and your emotions.
Create Time for Yourself
In a busy routine, it is absolutely important to create small pockets and
breathers for yourself. It can be something as small as staying in a few
extra minutes in bed, taking a nap in the afternoon, going out for a walk,
listening to your favorite track while working, making a cup of coffee
for yourself, sending your kids earlier to bed to get some ‘me’ and
‘couple’ time.
Source: Unsplash
Let Go of Perfection
The idea of perfection is a killer for a mom. It might have served you
well in the past, but as a mom, the notion of perfection will rob you of
your peace and sanity. Motherhood is messy and unpredictable, just like
2020 and 2021 have been. The quest for perfection puts pressure on us
and our kids. You are not expected to be perfect or to raise perfect kids
and run a perfect home. Raising a good, happy kid and a house that is
‘clean enough’ sounds more reasonable and desirable because lowering
the standards means you would get more time to enjoy the home with
your kids.
The Final Thought!
When you start prioritizing yourself and your own needs, you truly
begin to give yourself, your body, mind and soul the attention they truly
deserved. You learn to become a better mother. You learn to navigate
through the challenges and uncertainties of the turbulent times ahead.