One of the pandemic of sorts, in every age and time, is the feeling of loneliness, isolation and lack of connection many of us feel in our daily lives. There are nuances to the concept of loneliness.
The feeling of loneliness doesn’t often stem from not having people around but from the inability to get the kind of support and care we expect from them. People feel lonely because they find it difficult to form emotional bonds and connection. This feeling is often the seed to many emotional and psychological problems. Once you understand what kind of loneliness you are encountering, you would be in a better position to do something about it:

The 5 Types of Loneliness

Here are the 5 types of loneliness:

New-Kid-on-the-Block Lonely

This kind of loneliness arises when you move to a new neighborhood, city, country or even start a new job. Without your old, usual and familiar faces, places and things, you are bound to feel isolated and lonely.

I-am-Different Loneliness

There are time when our personality type, traits, likes and dislikes, passion, even occupation don’t match with the family we are born and raised in, the place we study or work in, and the circle we move in. Thus, we are bound to feel lonely.

No One-to-Love-Me Lonely

This is the most well-known and common form of loneliness. It stems from our instinctive need to be romantically loved by another person. You may have a family and friends who love and support you and vice versa. But you lack the special someone who romantically loves and desires you.

In-a-Relationship and Yet Lonely

This again is another important and common form of loneliness which most women experience. It’s a relationship paradox to be with someone and yet feel alone, due to toxicity and lack of understanding from the other person.

There-But-Not-There-Friends Loneliness

In this type of loneliness, you have family members and friends who love and support you, yet they are so caught up with the responsibilities and burdens of their own lives, that they can’t give you the kind of time and attention you desire in life. You are aware of their limitations, so you can’t complain or blame them, yet you feel lonely.

I-Like-My-Friends-But-Don’t-Trust-Them Lonely

There are instances when you generally enjoy the company of your friends and share a good vibe with them. Yet when it comes to matters related to career, relationship or other important situations in your life, you feel that they don’t get you. You may feel that the advice they give is somewhat ignorant, partial, prejudiced, unreasonable, or maybe in the light of their vested interest.

For instance, if they are not in a relationship, they may stop you from making a commitment as well. Or, if they are afraid to make a career switch, they may discourage you from doing the same. Or, if they happen to be averse of therapy and counseling, they may discourage you from seeking help.

 As a result, you feel lonely when you generally get along with your friends, but you can’t trust their judgment on certain matters because of their own personal baggage and hangups. Consequently, you feel lonely.

Understand the ‘Why’ In Order to Fix

‘I feel lonely or alone’ is a common but a blanket statement. It doesn’t help you understand the source of your problem i.e., why you are lonely.

Once you understand your source of loneliness, you can work in a better way to address the problem and make meaningful connections with others.

Here are some of the steps you can actively take to make friends or lessen your feeling of solitude:

Adapt Yourself to Your New Environment

If you have changed school, jobs, career, your neighborhood or country, you need to immerse yourself in the new environment and culture in order to connect:

• Try to find social activities where you can connect with others.
• Invite your classmate, co worker, neighbor over for a meal or coffee.
• Try to understand the culture, lingo and norms of the new surroundings.
• Stop making unnecessary comparisons between your old place and the newer one.

Overcome Shyness

You may feel lonely because of your own shyness and you need to come out of your shell to make friends:

• Don’t always be the one to wait for others to approach you.
• Smile at least and show your willingness to be approached in the company of unknown faces.
• Be the first one to strike a conversation when you are sitting with a stranger, on a park bench, on the subway, in a waiting area, etc.
•  Share something with others, even a bar of chocolate. You never know when you may end up making friends at the unlikeliest of places.

Seek Therapy

If you feel alone, different, or misunderstood despite having loyal and loving family and friends by your side, then chances are that you are suffering from depression and social withdrawal and need therapy.

If you are feeling lonely in a relationship, go for couples therapy or counseling in order to understand each other’s needs, expectations and limits.

If you are deeply unhappy and alone in a relationship, then try to find newer activities, avenues, even friends to seek fulfillment and connection outside of your relationship. At times, your partner cannot be everything and everyone in the relationship, so you need to lessen the burden of expectations on him.

Understand when Loneliness is a Sign for Something Else

Do remember that our loneliness is a relationship is the tip of the iceberg and points towards deeper issues. You need to understand what is worth workin4 and staying for and what’s not. Sometimes, the loneliness and unhappiness is the signal that things are beyond fixing and you need to move on.

Don’t Be too Hard on Others

When you feel lonely among family and friends, try not to judge them too harshly for their lack of understanding or unavailability. They may be going through a different phase in their lives. They may want to be there for you, but their own burdens and responsibilities may prevent them from being actively there.

 If you know that they are sincere with you and love you through thick and then, then give them grace and understanding. Make plenty of room for their incredulities, shortcomings, etc. Likewise, if you love your friends then learn to trust their judgment and understand their limitations. This is what friends do!

Being a Lone Wolf Isn’t Always Good

We are taught that we need to be self-sufficient, that we are enough, we don’t need others to validate us, and we should be alone rather than be unappreciated and misunderstood in a relationship. All this is valid, but in moderation.

Even if you happen to be a lone wolf by nature, you still need to forge certain meaningful connections not just to survive but also thrive. Loneliness often lead to intolerance, judgmental behavior, intolerance and impatience and an unhappy and fixed or limited mindset.

Find Your Bliss

There would be times when despite your desire, wishes and efforts, you would still end up being lonely. Learn to see this as a mere condition and not a personal failure. Maybe you are yet to find your tribe. Pursue hobbies, discover newer places, befriend an animal and adopt a pet. Try to lead a wholesome life irrespective of everything.

The Take Aways

Loneliness is a feeling all of us have encountered in our lives at some point in time. It is a somewhat negative and overwhelming. Being lonely and feeling lonely are two different feelings. Sometimes, we are lonely, and at other times, we perceive ourselves to be lonely. In either cases, we need to work on ourselves and our social skills to be able to make newer friends and retain our older ones. We may also need counseling and therapy to understand and cure our loneliness. When we understand ‘why’ we are lonely, we are able to work on ourselves and making deeper connections in life. After all, making meaningful connections and friendships in life is the way forward towards joy and happiness.