I belong to a generation and culture where self-love and self-care have been unheard of until recently. Women are daughters, sisters, wives, moms, daughter in laws, professionals, nurturers, caregivers, and so much more.

The multiplicity of our roles come with a lot of demands. We are told to sacrifice our own comfort and put our needs before those of our loved ones, and put our personal plans and goals on hold for the progress of our near and dear ones. We are expected to validate their efforts.

Worth Your Time: 17 Ways to Self-Validate Yourself

The “Big Overwhelm“

Believe you me, all this is very noble and glorious as an ideal. But eventually, these demands take a huge toll on our physical, mental, emotional health. This is what I call “the Big Overwhelm”!

Everyday, I see posts on social forums by women who are exasperated by the circumstances, the demands of their loved ones and their unbecoming behavior, the financial pressures and the lack of resources. They crib, they cry, they reach solace, advice, and validation.

On top of that, they have to deal with the exhausting demands push and pull of balancing their personal and professional lives, while dealing with the dual socialistic standards and fulfilling the stereotypes.

What Do We Need as Individuals as Self-Care

But women are slowly gaining awareness of their own identities and needs. We are realizing that:

• We have self-worth.
• We need self-care and self-love.
• We always don’t have to say ‘yes’.
• We have to draw the boundaries ourselves.
• We have to validate ourselves and our efforts.

Hence, the analogy of a pouring from an empty cup versus a full cup is so very relevant. We have to full our cup first in order to be able to fill the cups of our loved ones.

4 Ways to Fill Your Cup First

Here are the four ways you can take care of yourself:

Validate Your ‘Self” and Your Needs

Firstly, do acknowledge that you are your own person and that you have your needs that are very genuine ad important. It can be the need for taking a break, resting, needing space, vocalizing your likes and dislikes and opinions openly. Basically, you have to nurture your inner child.

Before the world can acknowledge as a important person, you need to realize and acknowledge your importance and worth for the people around you, the society, the Universe.

Show Yourself Self-Compassion

Quite often, we fall short of the ideals and are unable to fulfill expectations of others. We are unable to meet our goals and fit the standards. Resultantly, we feel disappointed in ourselves, we feel ashamed. We feel we have let down our loved ones.

You need to stop being so hard on yourself. Do realize that even if people judge you, it’s their limited perceptions. They can’t stand in your shoes, so they have no idea about your struggles and the immensity of your situation and unique challenge. Tell them that you are doing the best you can , after telling this to yourself. Give yourself credit for everything you are doing.

Allow Yourself ‘Me’ Time

Taking care of ourselves is our own responsibility. Martyrs are wrongfully glorified. So, do the things that nurture and serve your grand purpose in life. Read a book, journal, meditate, do yoga, go for a walk, have a hobby, go to a saloon, order something special for yourself, eat the last chocolate in the box, take a nap…

Resist the pressure to get rushed into things. Ignore everything that doesn’t need your attention. Sometimes, ignore the dirty dish in the sink and the crumbs on the floor. Allow yourself adequate time to catch your breath, your composure and sanity.

When you have taken care of your own needs, have nurtured yourself, the rest falls into place. It becomes easier to take care of others. Better self-care means that you would have the energy to deal with the challenges, the hurdles, the disappointments.

Don’t Rely on Others for Validation

Our mistake is that we look towards others to seek assurance, validation, praise. We rely on them to give us space and not step into our undetermined boundaries.

When this doesn’t happen, we feel threatened and hugely disappointed and stressed out. Do realize that they don’t automatically owe these to us! We have to communicate our needs, charter our own boundaries for others.

As social beings, we need validation of at least one person other than us. So, instead of seeking validation from everyone in the time of need, reach out to your trust worthy and empathetic friends or your therapist. Build a circle of care around you and invest your time, energy and emotions in fortifying it.

Conclusion

When your cup is full, when you are energized, it is easier to pour for others. It is then that being generous, empathetic and kind become possible. When you feel positive about yourself, you feel positive about others, the world around us.

How do you exercise self-care? Which phrases you use to validate yourself? Let’s hear from you!