We, as human beings, are made distinct from animals due to our ability to feel emotions and express them. This WorthWorkin4Wednesdy blog is all about how our emotions can make or break us and how we can use certain strategies to reclaim our focus and productivity.

We go through a multitude of experiences and challenges everyday. We experience a variety of emotions as a result. It’s interesting how the same thing, the same experience can evoke different emotional responses in different people. For example, the success or windfall of an acquaintance can evoke the response of awe in one person. On the hand, it would make another person feel completely jealous. Likewise, a failure or tragedy can completely shatter one person. But it may make another re-evaluate another person his whole life and its underlying priorities and values. In other words, the variety and depth of our emotions make us unique from animals and from one another.

But not every emotion is useful for us; for instance, worry, anger, self-doubt, envy, etc. These emotions are toxic and create negative thoughts.

A prolonged negative thinking process is harmful for your mental and physical health. Moreover, but the negative emotions you carry also impact your productivity by making you overthink and procrastinate.  

This is why our success in work and life depends upon how well we are able to control our emotions and replace our negative emotions with the positive ones. This is why our emotional quotient (EQ) ensures our adaptability and survivability in tough and unpredictable times.

There are various strategies to replace negative emotions and behavior patterns with positive ones and cultivate lifelong success. But here I am listing the top three strategies that I have found useful in coping with tough situations, self-doubt and despair:

Let Things Be  

A lot of things in our lives are determined by factors beyond our control. Thus, we apparently have no control over a sizable portion of our lives. This fear of the unknown and the lack of control on it make us feel anxious. Hence, our mind tries to create hundreds of ‘what if…’ scenarios just to be able to understand the situation and prepare ourselves for the outcomes. Consequently, we tend to play these scenarios over and over in our minds. Eventually, we end up losing our mental peace, our ability to function, our productivity and our sleep. 

Our anxiety often stems from our desire to know everything beforehand and to control. We want to control our environment, the people around us, different situations and their outcomes. The more we try to control things, the greater resistance we face.  

Hence, the more likely we are to fail. Consequently, we feel a lot of anxiety and frustration due to our inability to control people around us, the situations and their outcomes.

But once we are able to realize that we can only control a portion of things, we become liberated from our cycle of worry, anxiety and our illusion of control. This liberation comes either through insightful behavior or from experience, or a combination of both.

But you would discover that in a state of dread and panic, our emotions become jumbled up. Our thinking and problem-solving capabilities get fogged over. Naturally, when you can’t think straight, you can’t solve a problem, come up with and execute a solution.

 You want to have a mental exercise that can help you gain certain perspective about your limitations and the possible solutions?

Here is one actionable exercise you can do to navigate your way through a potential worrisome situation:

Hence, instead of spending a good portion of our day worrying about things we can’t control, the strategy that would get you results is to to rationalize your way through your fears and worries and think of possible solutions.

Image credit: Mizuno K@Pexels

Be More Intuitive and Less Reactive

What we don’t realize is that there is a portion of our lives determined by our reactions to our circumstances, the things we experiences in life, and the people we meet. Not every interaction is pleasant.

Your spouse doesn’t help around the house.

The kids have been on your nerves all day long.

You spent two hours cleaning and yet there is wet towel on the bed, an unwashed coffee mug in the sink.

Your supervisor wants you to work late again.

Your hours have been cut.

A customer has been rude.

Even a total stranger can end up rubbing us the wrong by not returning a smile, cutting us in the line, honking the horn repeatedly on the road.

Consequently, we feel irritated, angry, pissed off, confrontational, uncooperative, etc. 

We want to yell at the spouse and kids, slam the phone down, send out a terse email, give a shove, honk our horn in rage.

We want to respond, react immediately. We do it:

We let out our disappointment and our rage translate into actions.

There is that inner light that blinks inside our head and tell us not to react. Yet we do it any ways.

But that reaction, unleashed in the heat of the things, at the spur of the moment, might not be a suitable one. It may make things only worse.

We may end up doing, saying something that we may regret later, that we cannot take back. It may cause a damage that’s irreparable.

Even though when we cannot control our circumstances, situations, people and their behavior towards us, we can control at least how we react to them.

But don’t give into the impulse of reacting immediately.

The first step to control your reactions is to hit the ‘Pause’ button.

Instead, take a deep breath and evaluate the situation.

Focus on what you are immediately feeling at that moment.

Hurt, irritation, anger, annoyance, rage.

You would realize that all these feelings are very strong.

The resultant reaction would be pretty strong as well…often stronger than the initial emotion, often misplaced anger, blame and aggression.  

You would have a burning desire to make a point.

But would this kind of reaction help? Probably not!

It would only deepen the conflict.

So, choose to reflect and contemplate on how you can respond in a clear, firm and effective but respectful manner.

Ignore the impulses like the rude driver on the high way.

Give a firm stare to the person jumping the line and tell them to move back.

But try to create a dialogue in relationships that matter. Talk to your spouse, your children, your coworkers. Reason with your supervisor, your boss. Try to explain your point of view. Choose fewer and positive words to communicate your point. Most importantly, stay calm.

Once you learn to control your impulses and reactions, you would notice that you would have more space around your emotions and feelings. Your intuition would help you respond appropriately to a situation and thus avoid conflict, mistakes and misunderstandings.

Consequently, your ability to effectively respond to conflict would be help you improve your relationships and career.

Image credit:  Vlada Karpovich@Pexels

Stop Comparing Yourself with Others

We are social beings, we live around people. We interact with them. We want to have a sense of familiarity and belongingness, which naturally make us compare ourselves with others. We compare ourselves with them in order to develop a sense of belonging and relatibility. But we end up doing eventually is to see where we stand on the social and physical scale.

However, this tendency to compare is most likely to make us feel inadequate and insecure, often in an irrational way.  This means that the:

• We feel threatened by others’ qualities.
• Their social status and privileges make us feel deprived. 
• The success of others makes us feel jealous, bitter and resentful.

Social media has made this tendency of comparing and self-depreciation worst. Facebook, Instagram, TikTok are all comparison quicksand. Their algorithms have been set to exactly show what we want, lack, idealize, and admire.

 People are out there to impress others; they have put their made-up, filtered lives on display. Though many of us, deep down, recognize that much of the social media lifestyle of influencers and celebrities is fake, we still end up comparing ourselves to them and feeling inadequate. 

The more we look at others’ lives, the more we would compare our lives with theirs. Not only, we would feel unsatisfied, but we would also feel more tempted to buy things to look like them, to feel like them. Consequently, we end up wasting our mental energy and money.

We would wish that we were as good looking, fit as them. Or our bodies, wardrobes and houses were as impressive as theirs. Or our lifestyle was as glamorous and jet set as theirs.  As a result, we fall into a cycle of despair, self-doubt and depression. We don’t understand that:

What seems isn’t so!

Everything that we see isn’t real.

 The reality might be different from our perceptions. 

The reel life is different from the real life.

Your life, no matter how unglamorous it maybe, is yours. It is authentic. This is where the comparison, even momentary, becomes toxic, a trap, where you become aware of the differences and your so-called inadequacies, flaws, imperfections, and the ‘lack’. The human mind is designed to deliberately ignore the advantages that one has.  So, you have to ‘awaken’ the tendency of your mind to compare and yet not feel threatened by what others have. You have to cultivate the mindset of growth to become aware of your own hidden strengths, wins and blessings.

To Sum Up

Life and its ironies, challenges would make you feel frustrated, defeated and angry. But don’t let these negative emotions completely overtake your mind and your life. You may not have control on a lot of things in life, but it is you who is ultimately in control of your mind and what you choose to think and believe. So, stop worrying excessively, learn to look for solutions and take positive action. Likewise, stop doubting yourself and your abilities. Moreover, stop reacting blindly and negatively to things and people around you. Go deeper in yourself, contemplate on the situation and emerge with solutions. Likewise, instead of reacting to something upsetting with annoyance and anger, try to find the hidden lesson. More importantly, don’t look at others and their gifts with envy. Instead, try to admire them and admire your own blessings. Remember, a major part of your life is determined by factors beyond your control, by people outside your circle of influence. Nevertheless, don’t forget that a significant part of your life is controlled by how you react to thing, your ability to think and then take action. Despite living in a world that often seems fragmented, mindful practices and the courage to live your authentic life brings wholesomeness, cohesiveness, calm and order.